Precautions with Sharks this Summer

It’s warming up in Australia as we move into summer.  That means bouncers and beaches.  (bouncers being the cricketing term for a ball that bounces up near a batsman’s head).

Already our media are in a burley induced feeding frenzy on shark attacks.  A girl was saved just recently by a hero who tugged a shark’s tail while it was attacking the girl.  It’s a pity he didn’t tug the Current Affairs reporter’s tail and save the girl from an interminable interview.

Of course the media are not there for a rational discussion about the risk of shark attack.  You are more likely to be bitten by a New Yorker than by a shark. On average, one person has died from shark attack in Australia per year, a remarkably steady number considering our population increase of 5 million in less than 20 years.  You are 80 times more likely to die in a drowning accident, 11 times more likely to die by being struck by lightning, and 3 times more likely to die from bee stings.

So I would like to apply the precautionary principle to swimming at the beach.  In the face of uncertain events (shark attack), precautions should be taken to prevent the occurrence of the events:

1.     Always swim with someone tastier than you.  A bit of fish guts in their budgie smugglers will divert attention away from you.

2.     Never swim with dogs.  Scientists may claim the dog paddle actually attracts sharks, but in reality, would you prefer a mouthful of fur or a delicate human rump?

3.     Swim at Cronulla.  The Cronulla Sharks haven’t attacked anything for 6 seasons.

4.     Don’t ask a white pointer for directions.

Stats gleaned from: http://www.thepunch.com.au/articles/the-monstrous-shark-and-other-myths-of-the-sea/?referrer=email&source=Punch_nl&emcmp=Punch&emchn=Newsletter&emlist=Member